All clogged up.

 Inadequate is the right word I believe. For the first time in Celebration's 17 month existence, I found myself with butterflies buzzing in my tummy. Probably partly due to the 75 pre-service, Jesse "groupies" who were delighted to find their seats an hour beforehand, and proceeded to watch us intently, practicing the same four songs they'ed hear later when service... ACTUALLY BEGAN. Or perhaps it was the fact that instead of spotting the typical weekly 20-30 visitors scattered throughout the Celebration congregation, I found myself pilfering through the unrecognized heads to find a familiar face. Nonetheless, amidst the seemingly overbearing above-stated circumstances, I found myself for the first time... nervous as all get out, and feeling more inadequate by the minute.


I was one of the vessels God was going to use to bring in His presence through worship... what if i let myself screw it up? That was on thought. Unfortunately the others weren't quite as... "spiritual". 


"Jesse Duplantis is coming!" 
"...There's so many stinking people here!!" 
"I messed up twice last time we did that song.. what if i mess up again. "
"OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Were just a few of my other problems.


But I realized, or i should say remembered, just a couple of minutes into worship, that with all my inadequacies and short-comings, God had chosen to use me thus far... even when I did make mistakes, (which is unfortunately more often than not). What made me think that today would be different? God is the same with 600 as He is with 300 and he the same whether I do my always job right or not... Which is simply to let Him have complete control. I couldn't change whether God showed up this morning or not. I only decided if I was going to allow myself to be a venue that He came by. 


Service couldn't have gone better this morning. It's amazing what God can do if we take the focus off of us, and what we are and aren't worthy of, and put it completely on Him, Who is worthy of it all. When we do that, it isn't us leading, it's God, and therefor God's best presentation of Himself shines through. We are His vessels which He uses to pour His spirit and power and anointing through, but if we are clogged vessels, or even dirty, what goes in pure, will come out tainted. Or won't even come out at all. I allowed myself to be "unclogged" today for Him. I just hope I continue to teach myself this lesson in the future... 
Lord only knows I'll need it. 

He is pleased.

So I've noticed a pattern lately. The past four or five times, I've gone down to the alter and get prayed for or have gotten a word from someone, in some form or another they've said that God was pleased with me. "Pleased with me?... Me?! The girl that can never sing anything just right when I am supposed to be singing for Him, the one that never leaves the kind of time in the day for Him that she is supposed to, the one that is never, EVER disciplined enough in her school-work, the one that fails constantly at expressing love and appreciation for her family, (little sister in particular), the very same one who put the nails in His hands and crown on His head... why is He pleased with me." I always think. And I don't.. i guess, "accept" it. Not that I don't care, or that that isn't my greatest desire in all my 16 years, but I never let myself really believe, and couldn't even really comprehend that the God I grieve all too often in my daily life, is really pleased with me, or has anything less than a tolerated sense of disdain. (Just to add a little disclaimer here, I know God loves His children and never ever has anything less than love for them, and far from disdain. This is just me expressing my personal thoughts towards my own situation:).

So now, as I'd pondered hard and often over these things, I noticed a pattern. That particular phrase, "He is pleased with you", had never been focused on, or even said in those situations to my remembrance, prior to the last two years. The years that I began believing I wasn't good enough. The years that the majority of my prayer times were filled with repentance and shame, believing the lie that I wasn't even worthy to enter into His holy presence in prayer. I'd heard the words... but I didn't believe them. It was too good to be true.

My youth Pastor's wife said something recently that hit me hard... that when you repent and ask for forgiveness, God gives it to you the very first time without exception, but it is our decision to accept it and move on, never acknowledging that sin again. And I think this is the same way. I didn't... couldn't... wouldn't believe, that God is pleased with me as I am. Yet He was trying to show me the age old wonder of His grace... I can't do anything to earn His delight or pleasure, but when I walk in His forgiveness, and ask for His mercy in my short-comings, I am as white as snow to Him, and nothing I can do will alter His love for me.

The Best Snow Day In a Year...

"don't climb an icy roof just because your friend can't"

Snow day fact #1: I decided that i like warm a heck of a lot more then I do cold. But also decided that this one snow day was acceptable:) #2: When preparing for a snow day, despite common conception, all you really need is some movies, games, and friends, and wa-bam!! The perfect snow day elapses. #3: Make sure you have gloves when braving the snow which is really ice, don't climb an icy roof just because your friend can't, and never, EVER under any circumstances, stand up on the sit-down swinging ropes when they are cold and wet. Cracking your butt will surely be in your near future. 

On a slightly less painful note, the days activities also aroused a the obliteration of Arther, a bearded Chinese man eating waffles, and last but not least the coming together of a ti-tac-toe champion, and basketball champion in Holy matrimony.  This concludes the highlights of today's festivities, excluding a few slightly less exciting things such as 7-person twister and 3-second ninja, stay tuned for the yearly update concerning exciting snow days. 

Blog....

Blog...blog..blog. I now have a blog. Why? I don't know. Who will follow it? Probably no one. What will I post? Most likely a bunch of rambling nonsense. So what is the point of writing on it at all? I guess I decided to do so because I like to create my own things and develop my own ideas, and i figured "why not make a blog?". I'll probably come to the realization that it's stupid and a complete waste of my time and energy. But for now, I'll write, ..errr "blog", about things that will bring such an incredible amount of excitement and sheer joy to it's reader!! Ok probably not. But none the less.....